The Meltdown

So today I had a meltdown!

It is not one of those things that happens often. In fact, it rarely happens. And I am not proud of it!

But once in a blue moon, when the stars are all in alignment, they all come crashing down on my head!

So what do I do?

I know all the right things to say to myself. I know all the things that others are "supposed" to say.

But these are the times when no matter what I know is right or no matter what others say, it just doesn't work. It doesn't make me feel better or fix the problem. In fact, it usually aggravates it and makes it worse.

So again, what do I do?

Well, first of all, I have to get over myself!

And then, secondly, I have to get over myself!

And lastly, I have to get over myself!

Did I mention that I have to get over myself?

My husband so kindly informed me that I am a person who likes to be in control and this season of my life is not one that I can control, so it gets to me sometimes and when I don't get over it, that is when I have those rare meltdowns.

When they do happen, only those that I love the most get to see it, because as someone in control, why would I let anyone see me lose that control?

Which reminds me of another little thing I should share.

Are you ready?

Are you sure?

Guess what?

I AM NOT IN CONTROL!!!

Wow! What a revelation. As much as I want to be in control, and as much as I don't want to get over myself, I must! Or else I choose to take that control from the One who should have complete and total control of my life.

Didn't I give Him that control when I asked Him to be Lord of my life?

Or did I just say that because it sounded good at the time?

I think that most of us give things to God, only to take them back later when we are having one of those moments, whether they are just a little worry-moment or a complete meltdown.

One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite worship songs says,

"I give myself away, so You can use me."

If I can get over myself, and instead give myself away to Him....

If I can let go of that control that I hold to so tightly, and instead give that control to Him....

THEN WHAT CAN HE DO WITH ME?

As I finish this, I have just read about the sudden and tragic death of the great man of God, David Wilkerson, today. In his last blog, written today, his words stand out for just such a moment as my meltdown today. I may not be facing the valley and shadow of death, but these words from My Father still ring so sweetly in my ears:

To those going through the valley and shadow of death, hear this word: Weeping will last through some dark, awful nights—and in that darkness you will soon hear the Father whisper, 

“I am with you. 

I cannot tell you why right now, but one day it will all make sense. 

You will see it was all part of my plan. 

It was no accident. 

It was no failure on your part. 

Hold fast.

 Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.”

Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love. 

When all means fail—his love prevails. 

Hold fast to your faith. Stand fast in his Word. There is no other hope in this world.

What about a Father who cares enough about my moment to share through such a godly man one last word that would encourage and uplift my heart?

Oh, how He must love me!!

And you too!!