The Meltdown

So today I had a meltdown!

It is not one of those things that happens often. In fact, it rarely happens. And I am not proud of it!

But once in a blue moon, when the stars are all in alignment, they all come crashing down on my head!

So what do I do?

I know all the right things to say to myself. I know all the things that others are "supposed" to say.

But these are the times when no matter what I know is right or no matter what others say, it just doesn't work. It doesn't make me feel better or fix the problem. In fact, it usually aggravates it and makes it worse.

So again, what do I do?

Well, first of all, I have to get over myself!

And then, secondly, I have to get over myself!

And lastly, I have to get over myself!

Did I mention that I have to get over myself?

My husband so kindly informed me that I am a person who likes to be in control and this season of my life is not one that I can control, so it gets to me sometimes and when I don't get over it, that is when I have those rare meltdowns.

When they do happen, only those that I love the most get to see it, because as someone in control, why would I let anyone see me lose that control?

Which reminds me of another little thing I should share.

Are you ready?

Are you sure?

Guess what?

I AM NOT IN CONTROL!!!

Wow! What a revelation. As much as I want to be in control, and as much as I don't want to get over myself, I must! Or else I choose to take that control from the One who should have complete and total control of my life.

Didn't I give Him that control when I asked Him to be Lord of my life?

Or did I just say that because it sounded good at the time?

I think that most of us give things to God, only to take them back later when we are having one of those moments, whether they are just a little worry-moment or a complete meltdown.

One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite worship songs says,

"I give myself away, so You can use me."

If I can get over myself, and instead give myself away to Him....

If I can let go of that control that I hold to so tightly, and instead give that control to Him....

THEN WHAT CAN HE DO WITH ME?

As I finish this, I have just read about the sudden and tragic death of the great man of God, David Wilkerson, today. In his last blog, written today, his words stand out for just such a moment as my meltdown today. I may not be facing the valley and shadow of death, but these words from My Father still ring so sweetly in my ears:

To those going through the valley and shadow of death, hear this word: Weeping will last through some dark, awful nights—and in that darkness you will soon hear the Father whisper, 

“I am with you. 

I cannot tell you why right now, but one day it will all make sense. 

You will see it was all part of my plan. 

It was no accident. 

It was no failure on your part. 

Hold fast.

 Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.”

Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love. 

When all means fail—his love prevails. 

Hold fast to your faith. Stand fast in his Word. There is no other hope in this world.

What about a Father who cares enough about my moment to share through such a godly man one last word that would encourage and uplift my heart?

Oh, how He must love me!!

And you too!!

Faithful God

As we travel on this journey, God continues to surprise us with His constant faithfulness!

Again, today He showed us how He goes before us, beside us and behind us.

We had an entire service this morning, an ENTIRE SERVICE! When you are not a preacher, the thought of that can give you a cold sweat.

But, we gave this service to Him, as we do with each service, whether 10 minutes or an hour.

"Lord, this is your time, speak through us what you want to share with these people, on this day."

And you know what?

HE DID!

We always prepare, but as we each shared, God began to give Scott and I additional things to share that neither one of us had planned or shared with the other, yet they flowed together into this amazing story of God's calling, God's leading, God's directing and God's faithfulness throughout the entire process.

I used to read the stories of the children of Israel as they marched through the desert and I would get so frustrated with them when they forgot how faithful their God was and how He always provided for them. Yet they always complained!

But I never thought about how often I do the same thing when I worry or stress over a situation. Have I forgotten so quickly how faithful my God is and how He always provides a way for me?

He reminded me again this morning of 'my' scripture as I call it. The one he gave me to remember when I don't think things are going according to plan. Just before we got up to speak, He brought it to my mind to share with those precious people today.

Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.

I Thess. 5:24(NASB)

In the Message Bible, it reads like this:

The One who called you is completely dependable. If He said it, he will do it!

I Thess. 5:24(MSG)

He has plans for all of us! What are we waiting for? An open door? He already has one open, will we walk through it?

What He opens no one can shut, and what he shuts, no one can open. 

I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door 

that no one can shut.

Rev. 3:7

All He asks is that we walk through that door and He will be there. Remember, He goes before, beside and behind. He is waiting for me to take those steps of faith and He will do what He has said He will do. 

I need not worry!

I need not stress!

He stands with the door wide open, waiting for me to walk through into what He has already prepared in advance. He is all-inclusive! I don't need to bring anything, but me, ready and available to be used by HIM!